“Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to.”

So my little red bag from lululemon athletica proclaims. Is it true? I don’t know. I just know that’s it’s a stupid petty feeling, and yet one that you can’t stop it. When you’re jealous of someone, you can’t think, “This is stupid” and just stop. It festers. It boils up.

I know it’s dumb, I know I know I know it is. But Q used to be mine, she used to be mine and now she’s not anymore. Now she has new friends, and they are more interesting than I. They’re nicer, they’re cooler, they have more exciting friends.

I understand it.

It’s what I would do.

But she met them first.

So she gets them.

And they get her.

And I get no one.

It’s so pathetic, isn’t it? I am pathetic. But it won’t stop, like I said, because jealousy doesn’t work that way. Maybe it is working the opposite way I want it to.

Except I haven’t really expressed it except once, over Facebook chat, which just spawned a quick two line conversation about don’t worry, BA, don’t be stupid. You’re my best friend.

Am I really? Because it feels like the hours a day you spend with John and Sky and not with me make them your best friends. And now they’re off bowling and there’s “no more room” for me.

Real best friends ought to spend more time together, wouldn’t you think?

I feel like punching something. I feel like crying. I feel like screaming at her. But I know I won’t. I’ll just keep it inside until eventually it fades and I get used to not having a best friend. No BFF’s lolz for me.

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